mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
