It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
