i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
