Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
