More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
