Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
