Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
