there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
