I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
