lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you made out with another girl for some wings
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
