Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
