: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize