it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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