lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
