dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize