he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
