my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
