I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize