6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
