help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
