we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The best revenge is premature balding
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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