I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
