Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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