Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
