hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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