Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
