I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wanna go halves on a baby?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
