My nipple is on Facebook.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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