Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
