absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
