As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize