my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
