Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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