I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
