after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
