plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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