he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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