btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sobbing to NWA
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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