pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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