ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I deserve this hangover.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
