What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
