So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
