Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
