I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
