Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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