my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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