I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
