are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize