i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hippo gnu deer
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
