Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
