Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize