Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
