Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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