I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
