We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
