Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found the puke drawer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
