dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
