I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
