i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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