yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
