...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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