I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
