guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
