His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
