I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
