Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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