how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
