Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
