I should be sponsored by Trojan
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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