Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
