can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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