Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
