It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't turn off my feet"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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