I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
