so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
