it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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