oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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