at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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