His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
