I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
