i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
