I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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