look no pants
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
