Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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