so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize