I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
fuck your aforementioned shoe
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
