You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
