The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My vagina is officially offended.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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