what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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