Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
