Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
