Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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